Into the Great Unknown: Doing What the Voices Say

So, according to the infinite repository of facts, the Internet, The Donkeys are possibly Geronimo Jackson of "Lost" fame. Or... Is Geronimo Jackson the Donkeys? Have The Donkeys (Geronimo Jackson?) discovered the secrets to time travel? Who knows? I certainly don't.
Furthermore, why is John Locke, a character named after a 17th century philosopher, swiftly being molded into a 1st century Messianic figure? Why can neither Juliet or Kate decide which primary male figure they love? Where is Claire? All of these questions are eating at my mind like greedy children at a McDonald's buffet. I used to think that the only reason that I continued watching "Lost" was because there were so many questions that I thought would be answered eventually if I watched just one more episode. That continued for five seasons. It's like "Lost" is a girlfriend that constantly insults me but that I keep coming back to because she promises that this time will be different.

While I have to admit, some of my questions have been answered (like who Geronimo Jackson really are) I still mostly have no idea what is going on. By now too, I have essentially lost all hope of having any of my big questions answered. For instance, I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will never know exactly what the stupid smoke monster is.
This leads me to the ultimate question, why do I still watch Lost?
I think it's because I am a masochist. At some level, I like being insulted by my unkind metaphorical girlfriend.
That must be it.
Problem solved.

However, it is a little worrisome that a television show is contributing to my masochistic behavior. I used to think that I was in complete control of my self hatred, now a television show is guiding and contributing to it? That doesn't seem healthy.

So now, I offer a reinterpretation of my continued interest in a television show that never truly satisfies me. Since I long ago lost any faith in the show providing any sort of closure to my constant questions, I only continue watching the show because I want Claire to come back. She was my favorite. Straight up, if she ever got off that island (and I guess if she were in fact real) I would totally ask her out. She has to still be on the rebound after Charlie. Also, Charlie was nowhere near as cool as me.

So I have traversed from the ambiguity of the Geronimo Jackson/ The Donkeys situation to my adoration of the lost "Lost" character Claire (forgive me, it was too good to pass up). Claire, please come back so I can be free from the abusive and insensitive grip of this television show. Also, please do so before John Locke starts turning water into wine because I am not sure how much of that I can take.